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Friday, November 27, 2020
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The vacuum and the ‘one thing’ left on the carpet

Joseph Capell
Joseph Capellhttp://slowjoe40.com
Joe Capell is a husband and the father of four children. When not herding the kids or working, he enjoys writing funny-ish things for the amusement of others. He’s also fond of naps and eating ice cream with his wife.

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There’s always the ONE THING that the vacuum won’t pick up, no matter how good your vacuum is.

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You’ll see the ONE THING, but you won’t know it’s the ONE THING yet. You’ll just think it’s yet another something that the vacuum will pick up. You’ll run the vacuum over it, and be surprised the ONE THING is still there.

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You’ll back the vacuum over the ONE THING again. This time, you’re not as surprised to see it still there. Now you are starting to realize that this might be the ONE THING.

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But, maybe it’s not. So, you run the vacuum over the ONE THING again. And again. And again. And again, pushing down extra hard on the vacuum. But, it’s still there: The ONE THING.

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So, you finally give up. You reach down and pick up the ONE THING.

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What happens next can say a lot about the kind of person you are. You’ve picked up the ONE THING. What do you do with it? Do you put it in your pocket and continue vacuuming? Do you immediately put it in the garbage? Or, do you fluff it up a little and drop it back onto the floor, because, by gosh, this vacuum is going to pick up this ONE THING if it’s the last thing it does! (Guilty.)

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And then, you vacuum the ONE THING again, hoping to high heaven that the vacuum picks it up, because nothing is quite as humiliating as having to reach down and pick up the ONE THING a second time.

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Of course, before you can vacuum, you have to clear the floor of things that are too “big.” But at what point is something too “big” for the vacuum? Something the size of a quarter? A dime? A thumbtack? A pin? The head of a pin?

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It seems pointless to vacuum if you have to pick up everything that is on the floor before you start. Isn’t that what the vacuum is for? If you have to pick everything up by hand, why use the vacuum at all?

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There is something worse than the ONE THING while vacuuming: the OTHER THING.

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You never see the OTHER THING. But, you know it when you hear it.

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You’ll vacuum over the OTHER THING without realizing it. Suddenly, it sounds like someone has put a spoon in the sink disposal. Or turned on the blender with a bunch of coins in it.

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That’s when you find out how fast you can turn off the vacuum!

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You know, maybe I should just get wood floors.

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For more funny-ish stuff, go to slowjoe40.com.

Joseph Capell
Joseph Capellhttp://slowjoe40.com
Joe Capell is a husband and the father of four children. When not herding the kids or working, he enjoys writing funny-ish things for the amusement of others. He’s also fond of naps and eating ice cream with his wife.

More from Author

Soup Seldom Makes a Meal

I’m a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy. When I think of dinner, I’m thinking of a good, hearty meal that I can stick a fork...

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Times have changed.  According to my Mom, my Dad changed fewer than a dozen diapers while they were married. A dozen diapers? I’ve changed that...

Macey’s celebrates grand opening in Santaquin

After decades of wishes and rumors, Santaquin finally has a grocery store.  Macey’s held an official grand opening ceremony on Sept. 23. The ceremony started...

Daddy, Where are my Shoes?

Over the past twelve months I have spent approximately 38 percent of my waking hours looking for shoes. No, not my own shoes. I know...

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