r As parents, we all have the best of intentions. We want to be good parents and raise fine, upstanding children. But no matter how hard we try to do what is right and avoid any mistakes, there are some things that just can’t be avoided. These things will happen no matter how hard we try or how good we are as parents.
1. Your child WILL pick something up off the floor and put it into their mouth. It doesn’t matter how often you sweep, mop and/or vacuum. You could vacuum 14 times a day and it wouldn’t make a difference. Your child WILL find something on the floor that they can pick up and put into their mouth.
2. Your child WILL get food all over his face and clothes. At some point you will have to take off the bib and let your child feed himself. And when you do, no matter how well you’ve taught him how to use a fork and a spoon, he will get food all over his face and all over his clothes. There’s nothing you can do about it (except pre-soak the stains before you wash them).
3. Your child WILL poop in the tub. Despite how quick or thorough or precise you are at bathing your child, at some point your child will poop in the bathtub. And, at that moment, you will not know what to do. You’ll panic. What you need to do is calm down and get to work. You have to drain the tub, clean the poop off of the baby, clean the poop off of the tub, then start a new bath. (And hope to high heaven that the baby doesn’t poop in the tub again and re-start the whole cycle.)
4. You WILL get child fingerprints on your glasses. You might THINK you are keeping your child a safe distance from your face. It doesn’t matter. If you have children and you have glasses, you WILL get child fingerprints on your glasses. And if you don’t have glasses? Don’t worry, they’ll get plenty of fingerprints on the screens of your phone, laptop and television.
5. Your child WILL be able to operate your electronic devices better than you can. My 6 year-old can navigate through the iPad five times faster than I can. My toddler regularly attempts to order movies from Netflix. (And we don’t even have Netflix!) Unless you have a master’s degree in computer science, you don’t stand a chance. (And even then ….)
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