51.6 F
Springville
Wednesday, September 30, 2020
Support our Community Sponsors

Don’t Be “Mr. Important”

Joseph Capell
Joseph Capellhttp://slowjoe40.com
Joe Capell is a husband and the father of four children. When not herding the kids or working, he enjoys writing funny-ish things for the amusement of others. He’s also fond of naps and eating ice cream with his wife.

More from Author

Daddy, Where are my Shoes?

Over the past twelve months I have spent approximately 38 percent of my waking hours looking for...

Who Was That Handsome Masked Man?

There was a time, not so long ago, when if someone walked into a store wearing a mask, everyone would get nervous.

Life as a Fashion Consultant isn’t Easy

I have two daughters, ages 12 and 5. Their Mom keeps them well-supplied with nice, cute, clothes. When they...

Social Distancing or Social Awkwardness

Social distancing shouldn’t be that hard for me. Why? Because there’s not much difference between social distancing and being socially awkward, and...

r Let me just state the obvious right here at the start: I’m more important than you! I shouldn’t have to say it. I mean, I’m ME and you’re YOU; of course I’m more important!

We have rules for a reason, and that reason is to keep people like you in check. The rules apply to everyone except me, because I’m too important to follow the rules.

I’m going to park wherever I want. Those yellow lines painted on the ground don’t mean anything to me. (Well, except for when I park on top of those lines and take up two spots to make sure no one scratches or dings my car!) Handicapped parking? There’s never enough REALLY handicapped people to fill all those spots, so I might as well use them. Fire zone? When’s the last time you saw a fire at a store? OF COURSE I can park there!

- Advertisement -

The carpool lane is for vehicles with two or more people. Or for me. (Because I’m more important than you.) Don’t cross the double white lines? Good advice…unless it’s convenient for me. Speed limits mean nothing to me. Are two lanes merging into one? Well, obviously I’ll keep going forward until the last possible moment before I merge, crowding ahead of you idiots who got over when the sign told you to.

I don’t wait in lines. Ever. I’m FAR too important for that!

I’m glad YOU shut off your phones before the start of the movie. But, I’m not going to shut mine off. How will I know when I get a call if my phone is off? Besides, I might want to check the scores or play a game if the movie gets boring. Can’t do that with my phone off!

20 items or less? Who’s got time to count? I’m going to the shortest line.

No, I’m not going to clear my tray and throw away my garbage at the fast food restaurant, I’ll just leave it sitting on the table. And no, I’m not going to push my shopping cart to the return area, I’ll just leave it by where I parked. They have people they pay to do those kind of things! Why should I bother with it?

Yes, I’m more important than you. I’m not sure how I can put it in a way that will make sense to you. Maybe if you pretended every day was your birthday you might understand. But probably not, because I’m way more important than your birthday.

[NOTE: Don’t be THAT guy!]

For more new funny stuff twice a week, check out slowjoe40.com!

- Advertisement -
Joseph Capell
Joseph Capellhttp://slowjoe40.com
Joe Capell is a husband and the father of four children. When not herding the kids or working, he enjoys writing funny-ish things for the amusement of others. He’s also fond of naps and eating ice cream with his wife.

More from Author

Daddy, Where are my Shoes?

Over the past twelve months I have spent approximately 38 percent of my waking hours looking for...

Who Was That Handsome Masked Man?

There was a time, not so long ago, when if someone walked into a store wearing a mask, everyone would get nervous.

Life as a Fashion Consultant isn’t Easy

I have two daughters, ages 12 and 5. Their Mom keeps them well-supplied with nice, cute, clothes. When they...

Social Distancing or Social Awkwardness

Social distancing shouldn’t be that hard for me. Why? Because there’s not much difference between social distancing and being socially awkward, and...
Our Print Advertisers

More in Category

Pando Aspen Forest Awaits Discovery

With the arrival of September, we will start seeing fall colors appearing later in the month. On a list of things to...

Wings and Wheels set to roar into Spanish Fork

For the past four years the Spanish Fork Airport has held an...

Children are going hungry and there are ways you can help

By now, most kids in Utah have gone back to school, either in-person or online. They’re wearing their masks...

What Happy People Do

Happy People by Little Big Town has been going through my head the last few days, constant, on repeat.