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Where Is the Mother's Day Parade?

So, when are they having the Mother's Day Parade?

Here in America, we'll throw a parade for just about any holiday. There's the Rose Bowl Parade on New Year's Day. There's the Macey's Thanksgiving Day Parade. There are lots of St. Patrick's Day parades across the country, and even more parades on the 4th of July. We don't have military parades here (yet) but a lot of other countries do.

Even right here in southern Utah County, we have the Spanish Fork Pioneer Day Parade, the Payson Onion Days Parade, the Springville Art City Days Parade, the Santaquin Orchard Days Parade, and the Salem Days Parade. (That's in Salem, by the way.)

mother's day parade

That's a lot of parades. And yet, there is no Mother's Day Parade! This is an outrage! Who has done more to deserve a parade than mothers?

Mothers give birth to us. Mothers feed us. Mothers clothe us. Mothers sing us lullabies to help us sleep. Mothers potty train us so we aren't walking around with poop in our underwear all of the time. Mothers help us with our homework. Mothers make us eat our vegetables. Mothers wait up for us when we're out late. Mothers teach us how to do our chores. Mothers teach us to be nice to others. Mothers teach us that we shouldn't make that face because we wouldn't like it if our face froze that way. Mothers make us our favorite meals for our birthdays. Mothers plan our birthday parties. Mothers help us plan our weddings. Mothers take us to the park. Mothers teach us how to tie our shoes. Mothers get us ready to go out and face the world on our own.

(Yes, I know that fathers can do most of those same things, but there's something a little extra special about the way mothers do them.)

So, what would a Mother's Day Parade look like? I think there would be lots of wonderful mothers riding around in convertibles or on floats, waving at the crowd. Instead of throwing just candy, maybe they'd throw some vegetables, too? (You've got to have a balanced diet, you know!)

Look, I've got nothing against St. Patrick; I'm sure he was a nice guy. (Probably even saintly.) But does he really deserve a parade more than mothers do? Everyone has a mother. They do so much for us! We didn't always do what they asked of us. We don't call or write as often as we should. The least we can do is throw them a parade every once in a while!

For more funny-ish stuff, check out slowjoe40.com.