Sunday, August 7, 2022

Let’s Give the Nod to Eggnog!

r By Joe CapellrThere are two kinds of people: those who love eggnog, and those who are wrong.

What exactly is eggnog, anyway? Is it milk? Is it eggs? Is it a milkshake? Is it dessert? Is it a drink? Is it a way of life? I really don’t know, and I really don’t care. What I DO know is that eggnog is delicious, and that’s all I really need to know.

There are some people who don’t like eggnog. I don’t know what is wrong with these people. Are they missing a small part of their soul? The part of the soul that recognizes deliciousness? These people seem normal, but they aren’t. They’re walking around with the inability to acknowledge what tastes good. Let’s hope it’s just a blind spot for eggnog. Let’s hope it’s not all-inclusive. Let’s hope they can still enjoy bacon.

Some people say they don’t like eggnog because of the film it leaves on everything. It’s true; eggnog leaves a residue in its wake. If you drink a glass full of eggnog, after you finish the inside wall of the glass will still be coated with a layer of eggnog.

This grosses out some people. Not me. I like to think that when I drink eggnog, it coats the entire lining of my stomach with a protective lining of deliciousness, making everything around it happier and better.

I come by my love of eggnog even though I don’t drink alcohol. For some people, eggnog is just a vehicle for delivering rum. And I can understand that. (I like the smell of rum. If I did drink alcohol I’m pretty sure I’d prefer rum to beer. Having grown up on a wheat farm, the smell of beer reminds me of rotted, mice-infested wheat.) But, I clearly think that the eggnog can stand on its own merit, without any alcoholic enhancements.

What makes me sad, though, is that eggnog is not available all year. It starts to appear in the stores around Halloween time, but disappears shortly after New Year’s Day. I don’t understand this. The fabulousness that is eggnog should be enjoyed year-round! Wouldn’t President’s Day be better with eggnog? Easter eggs are quite popular; why not nog up some of those eggs? What could be better than 4th of July fireworks and eggnog?

If a politician wants my vote, all they’d have to do is promise to make eggnog available all year long!

So, let’s give the nod to eggnog! It’ll coat your insides with a wall of deliciousness!

For more new funny-ish stuff every week, check out slowjoe40.com.

Joseph Capell
Joseph Capellhttp://slowjoe40.com
Joe Capell is a husband and the father of four children. When not herding the kids or working, he enjoys writing funny-ish things for the amusement of others. He’s also fond of naps and eating ice cream with his wife.
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