Forgot How to Feel Free? Ride a Bike

You know those times when you feel absolutely bound to the numerous expectations around you and the expectations you have for yourself?

Do you find that as you are trying to keep up with it all that you wonder if you keep going, are you just going to snap? It’s a valid concern. And what are you going to do if that happens?!

Well, I know what all that feels like because I snapped.

There was so much going on in my life. I had work projects taking up every moment I could spare in between saving two toddlers from destroying each other, meeting the needs of the other two kids, cleaning the house, feeding humans, yard work, working the budget, taking care of myself, etc. The list goes on.

The day I snapped, I went spiraling into a dizzying force of emotion because I realized, “I don’t remember what it is like to feel free.”

Feeling trapped, feeling like “I have to do this, I have to do that. I can’t do this, I can’t…”. It was sucking all the joy from me not feeling free, and I knew I needed to break this emotional spin to get back into a good place and a space of joy.

For the sake of myself, my family, and my house, I needed to get my sanity back together. I needed to somehow use my body to break the spin, and to use my body in a way that would bring me joy.

Do you know what I did? I left my kids in the care of my husband and I went to the store. I bought a bike and stuffed it into the back of my car.

On the drive home I kept hoping that the phrase, “it’s like riding a bike” would hold out true for me. It had been a decade since I had ridden a bike last. Perhaps, I should have bought a helmet as well!

Upon arrival at my house, my eldest son got all excited when he saw my bike. He asked if I would ride with him, to which I replied, “Absolutely!”

I pumped up the tires, checked the breaks and we were off for our ride! I am pleased to say that I did not crash and I had a joyous time.

There was a moment during the ride when we were speeding down a long hill. I closed my eyes and breathed in the feeling. The air was rushing by me, sending my hair in all directions, and bringing with it the smell of the cottonwood trees.

I felt such joy, and so lighthearted! And even more important for me right then was that I remembered what freedom feels like.

It’s like riding a bike. (Davis is a Serve Daily contributor.)

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