I Can Still Drive 55

By the time you read this, I’ll have already “celebrated” my birthday. As you might be able to tell by the quotation marks around the word “celebrated,” I’m not really excited for this particular birthday. 

I have my reasons. Upon reaching this birthday, I’ll no longer be able to say I’m in my early 50s. 

Upon passing this landmark, I’ll officially be eligible to get the senior discount. Upon reaching this milestone (millstone?) I’ll be able to order from my own special section on the back page of the menu at Denny’s. 

My age will be the same number as the speed limit from that song by Sammy Hagar. And if you know which song I’m talking about, congratulations, you’ll be joining me in senior citizenry before you realize what’s happened. 

It really started a little more than five years ago when the AARP started sending me membership cards in the mail. For those of you who think you are too young to know what I’m talking about, AARP stands for the American Association of Retired People, and they will be coming for you–sooner than you think! 

I haven’t yet joined the AARP, but they still send me cards. 

I give them to my kids to use as bookmarks. I guess getting old isn’t all bad. 

Once you reach a certain age, some things finally start to make sense, like the importance of changing the air filter on the furnace/air conditioner, guessing what size of wrench you need on the first try, and what escrow is. 

There are other things, however, that are completely baffling, like how to post a gif to a friend or co-worker, why the style of jeans you’ve been wearing for the past 25 years is suddenly difficult to find, and what’s up with these kids today and their music? 

When you get older, there are good days and bad days. Sometimes I can bend down and pick something up off the ground without a problem at all. 

Other times, I can’t get back to a standing position without moaning and sounding like a box of Rice Krispies. Kids today still know about Snap! Crackle! and Pop, don’t they? 

Try as I might to stay hip and cool, I just can’t stop the fact that I’m getting older. For example, I still use the words “hip” and “cool.”

But, turning 55 isn’t the end of the world. Despite what Sammy Hagar says, I can still drive. 

Even if it’s slower than these kids today with all their fast cars.  For more funny-ish stuff, check out SlowJoe40.com.

Joseph Capell
Joseph Capellhttp://slowjoe40.com
Joe Capell is a husband and the father of four children. When not herding the kids or working, he enjoys writing funny-ish things for the amusement of others. He’s also fond of naps and eating ice cream with his wife.

Get Our Newsletter!

Submit News

Visit our Forms to submit a recipe, obituary, contact us, or submit news. 

Related news


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here