Questions about superheroes


So, a few weeks ago I was trying to get my kindergartner ready for school. It wasn’t going well. He insisted he was ready, but he didn’t have his socks or shoes on yet. 

I told him he needed to get his shoes on. He didn’t seem to think it was very important. We weren’t seeing eye to eye. And that’s when I brought his love of superheroes into play. 

I said, “What if Iron Man went in to battle without his boots? He’d look pretty silly running around trying to fight the bad guys in a full suit of armor, but with bare feet, wouldn’t he?” 

My son laughed, saw my point, and decided to put on his shoes. And, for the rest of the school year, whenever he would be slow to put on his shoes, I would remind him about Iron Man’s boots. It worked like a charm. 

But it did lead to a question: Does Iron Man wear socks under his boots? If he does, that would seem a bit awkward, but if he doesn’t, wouldn’t the inside of his boots smell like stinky feet? I’m not sure of the answer. 

And, it has led to more questions about superheroes. Take The Hulk, for example. When Bruce Banner gets angry and changes to The Hulk, why do his pants only rip out below the knee? I’ve blown out a few pair of pants in my day (not due to rage, but usually because of too many desserts) and by my experience pants are mostly likely to rip out where they are the tightest, around the waist, hips, butt, and thighs. 

Yet, those are the only areas where The Hulk’s pants stay intact. The loosest area on a pair of pants is generally between the knees and ankles, but that’s where The Hulk’s pants are always ripping. 

Also, where does Bruce Banner buy all his purple pants? Did he get a really good deal and buy a lifelong supply in bulk, or does he have to search for a new pair every time he rips one out? Is there a specialty purple pants store? (My son thinks it would be funny if Bruce Banner were to buy some especially stretchy socks, so when he changes into The Hulk he doesn’t have to smash things in his bare feet.) 

Why does Wonder Woman have an invisible plane? Why is that useful? 

And if everything on the plane (the chairs, the instruments, the fuel) is invisible, why isn’t Wonder Woman? And what happens if she forgets where she parked it? But, perhaps the most baffling superhero question of all is this: Does Aquaman eat soup? (Capell is a Serve Daily contributor.)

Joseph Capell
Joseph Capell
Joe Capell is a husband and the father of four children. When not herding the kids or working, he enjoys writing funny-ish things for the amusement of others. He’s also fond of naps and eating ice cream with his wife.

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