If you’ve ever been to a high school graduation, you know it can be a long, tedious, and boring production. That’s why I prefer going to preschool graduations. Here are seven ways a preschool graduation is better than a high school graduation:
1. Fewer than 50 graduates. It’s great that your kid is graduating, but other than maybe a couple of their friends, you don’t care one tiny little bit about any of the other graduates. The fewer the graduates, the less time you have to worry about not caring!
2. No speech is more than two minutes long. A typical high school graduation involves several people giving speeches, including a few students, the principal, and at least one long-winded blowhard from the School Board who thinks everyone came there to hear them blab on for twenty minutes. At a preschool graduation most of the “speeches” are limited to nursery rhymes.
3. No valedictorian. In high school, there is a big competition to see who will be named valedictorian, and one lucky set of parents can celebrate their child’s achievement. At the preschool graduation every single set of parents (and grandparents) can believe that their child is the smartest kid in the room. (Except for Bobby the Booger-Eater; his parents probably already know he’s not destined to be a brain surgeon.)
4. Parking is not a problem. The fewer kids involved means fewer cars needing parking spaces to attend the graduation. Fewer cars means better traffic flow.
5. No worries about pre- and post-graduation partying. At a high school graduation, you might worry about your graduate or one of your graduate’s friends partying too hard, getting drunk, and doing something they might regret. At a preschool graduation you might worry about your preschooler spilling punch on their gown.
6. The whole thing takes less than an hour. By the time you get through all of the speeches, musical numbers, and handing out of diplomas, a high school graduation can last longer than an intercontinental flight next to a screaming baby. Preschool graduations are much shorter.
7. Everyone gets cookies! At a preschool graduation, everyone (including the graduates, the parents, the grandparents, and the siblings) gets a cookie! (Maybe even more than one!) There are no treats handed out at high school graduation.
So, if you’ve got a kid getting ready to graduate high school, you might consider holding them back and re-entering them in preschool. The graduation ceremony is SO MUCH better!