13 Reasons Why America Is Great

Some people want to “make America great again.” Sounds good, but I think  there are lots and lots of reasons why America is ALREADY great! Reasons like:

1. Bacon–No matter where you are in this great land, you are never very far from bacon. If you don’t have any in your refrigerator or freezer, you can just go down the road and find some at any grocery store, butcher shop, fine restaurant, or not-so-fine restaurant. You can have bacon for breakfast alongside your eggs. You can have it atop your hamburger. You can even have it crumbled over your salad. (If you’re one of those salad people.)

2. Socks–Socks are fantastic! They keep your feet warm. They’re like mittens for your feet, but without that annoying thumb hole. They keep your feet from sticking to your shoes.

3. Jorts–Everyone likes blue jeans. That goes without saying (which is why I didn’t say it.) Everyone loves shorts. So, it seems only natural to combine the two and have jean shorts, or jorts! 

4. Automatic Doors–When we go shopping in America, we don’t have to bother with clumsy door handles or knobs. We walk up to the store and the doors open themselves and let us in, no questions asked, as if it were magic!

5. Car Stereos–Can you imagine going for a long drive without a car stereo? I can’t.

6. Flavors–We can put flavors in just about anything. Banana flavored milk? Yes! Pumpkin flavored bread? Yes! Watermelon flavored laughing gas at the dentist office? Yes!

7. Couches–It’s a chair that three people can sit on at the same time! It’s a small bed that one person can stretch out on! It’s a flat surface you can stack things on! It’s a soft, cushy trampoline for small children! Couches are awesome!

8. Towels–Think for just a moment about how much time you would spend wet, damp, and/or moist if it weren’t for towels.

9. The Letter “C”–”C” is for cookie. (That’s good enough for me.)

10. Opinions–We can all have opinions. You might think mine are wrong. I might think yours are wrong. But, it doesn’t really matter what you think of my opinion or what I think of your opinion. (That’s my opinion on the subject of opinions.)

11. Bricks–Do you want to build something? Grab a brick. Then grab a few more. You can build just about anything with bricks. (Also, cheese can come in the form of a brick.) 

12. Basketball–The great thing about basketball is that you don’t actually need a basketball. All you need is a wadded up piece of paper and a garbage can!

13. Kevin Bacon–Obviously.

Joseph Capell
Joseph Capellhttp://slowjoe40.com
Joe Capell is a husband and the father of four children. When not herding the kids or working, he enjoys writing funny-ish things for the amusement of others. He’s also fond of naps and eating ice cream with his wife.

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